


honey bunches of oats

by CerinityKS



Category: The Martian (2015), The Martian - All Media Types, The Martian - Andy Weir
Genre: Bets & Wagers, Crew as Family, Fluff, Gen, M/M, POV Outsider, Pet Names
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-27
Updated: 2015-10-27
Packaged: 2018-04-28 12:55:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5091521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CerinityKS/pseuds/CerinityKS
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>in which mark and chris address each other with ridiculously cute pet-names, beth and rick are making bets, melissa is amused, and alex is long-suffering</p>
            </blockquote>





	honey bunches of oats

**Author's Note:**

> so i'm working on the next part of my mer story, but in the meantime, enjoy some fluffy beckwatney? 
> 
> the title is a play on some of the utterly ridiculous pet names people use for the s/o, case in point, people do actually call their s/o honey bunches or if they're being particularly obnoxious, i have heard someone say 'my honey bunches of oats' before, so, you know (mark totally would use this for chris, he just doesn't in this fic ssssh, maybe in another)
> 
> (also, i totally did not set out to write this mostly from alex's pov, it just sorta, well, happened?) 
> 
> enjoy! x

It started out as a joke.

“Hey handsome, can you pass me the- oh thank you,” Mark grinned flirtatiously at Chris, who just smirked and turned back to his assignment. 

“No problem doll,” he threw over his shoulder as Mark walked away. Both of them were sporting wide grins and completely ignoring the _looks_ they were receiving from their crewmates. 

“Did they just-?” Rick narrowed his eyes suspiciously at the duo. 

“Is this some sort of custom among friends I am unaware of in America?” Alex asked, clearly as confused as the rest of them. 

“Definitely not man,” Rick shook his head, bemused. 

“They gotta be fucking with us,” Beth declared. 

“Mark just called Chris _handsome_ , and Chris called him _doll_ ,” Rick pointed out, “I mean, I’m secure enough in my masculinity to admit that they’re both handsome men,” he pointedly ignored the hysterical laughter Beth succumbed to and barreled on, “but even I wouldn’t start greeting a friend I had no interest in with _pet-names_.” 

“No way,” Beth shook her head, “they’re definitely fucking with us. There’s _no way_ they’d hook up, or even _attempt_ to hook up and we not know about it. I mean, it’s _Mark_ ,” she pointed out. 

The three of them turned to study the duo once more, both of them seemingly absorbed in their work. 

“Bet you twenty bucks they’re secretly fucking,” Rick spoke. 

“Deal,” Beth shot back. The two of them shook hands, eyes narrowed in determination. Alex sighed when they both turned to look at him. 

“I do not feel comfortable betting on our friend’s love-lives,” he replied. 

“Great, you can be the bank then,” Rick responded as he pulled out his wallet. 

Alex looked severely put upon as both Rick and Beth handed over twenty dollars each. He gamely accepted the money though and put it in his own wallet. 

“Stop betting on your teammate’s love lives and get back to work,” Melissa commanded as she walked behind them. 

Both Rick and Beth jumped (Beth cursing colorfully as she did) and turned to look at the retreating back of their commander. 

“How does she-?” Rick started, scared and in awe. 

“She is the commander, we should not question her,” Alex gently put a hand on both of their backs as he made eye contact with Melissa across the room. She looked sympathetic, but clearly not sympathetic enough to step in. 

_Americans_. 

“We should do as she says and get back to work, yes?” 

Beth and Rick grumbled but complied, and Alex could only hope that this bet of theirs would quickly be forgotten. 

-

It wasn’t forgotten. 

Rick and Beth took to watching any interaction Mark and Chris had like a hawk. They were leaving for Mars soon so they were spending more and more time together, giving the duo plenty of opportunity to watch their targets. 

“Hey honey,” Mark batted his eyelashes at Chris as he popped up next to the doctor. 

“Yes darling?” Chris asked, not looking up from… well, whatever it was he was working on, fuck if Rick could figure it out. 

Beth had appeared next to him the moment they both noticed Mark heading in Chris’s direction, and they were watching the duo so intently Alex was vaguely surprised they hadn’t burst into flame. 

“Be a dear and get me a soda from the machine in the hall?” Mark smiled winningly. 

Chris shot Mark an unimpressed look. “And you can’t get it yourself because…?” 

“It doesn’t like me,” Mark replied simply. 

The two of them stared at each other for a prolonged moment before Chris sighed and held out his hand. Beth’s eyes widened (Chris never did drink runs for them!) and smacked her hand repeatedly on Rick’s arm. Rick was just as stunned as Beth and therefore didn’t attempt to stop her. 

“What do you want?” 

“Whatever you think is best. Thank you pumpkin,” Mark pressed an exaggeratedly loud kiss to Chris’s cheek. Chris just rolled his eyes and smirked at Mark. 

“Anything for you sweetheart.” 

“Did you see that?” Rick and Beth rounded on Alex, who looked like he desperately wished to be _anywhere_ but there at the moment. 

“They were ten feet away, so yes, I did,” Alex sighed. 

Mark was currently spinning around in Chris’s chair, waiting for the other to get back with childish impatience. 

“Holy shit, maybe you’re right,” Beth breathed. 

“That’s what I’m talking about!” Rick threw his hands up and grinned. 

“How long do you think-? I mean, who do you think even initiated it?” 

“Definitely Chris,” Rick replied immediately. 

Beth narrowed her eyes at Rick, indignant on Mark’s behalf. 

“What do you mean, ‘definitely Chris?’” she demanded. “Mark could just have easily done it!” 

Rick snorted and Beth huffed. 

“Screw you Martinez.” 

“I take it this means your bet is null?” Alex asked carefully. 

“Fuck that, we’re changing the bet!” Beth demanded. “Whoever gets proof first that they’re fucking is the winner, _and_ another twenty bucks on it being _Mark_ who started it!” 

“Deal!” Rick replied immediately, and Alex despaired as they both pulled out another twenty dollars each and handed it to him. 

“Stop betting on your teammate’s love lives and get back to work,” Melissa commented as he strolled by them towards her own work station. 

“Son of a _bitch_!” Rick gasped. 

“How does she keep _doing_ that?” Beth stared wide eyed after their commander. 

“I think it would be best if we do as she says, yes?” Alex asked before doing just that. Unfortunately he didn’t do it in time to escape seeing Chris re-enter the room with a can of soda in hand. 

He handed it off to a very happy Mark, who cracked it and took a long sip before he jumped off Chris’s chair and smacked another loud kiss to his cheek. 

“Thanks honey bunch!” 

“Of course dear,” Chris just grinned and immediately got back to work. Alex could see Rick and Beth making faces at each other from their workstations and he just sighed. 

Hopefully once they were on the Hermes this would all be forgotten. 

-

It wasn’t. 

If anything, Chris and Mark got _worse_ with the pet names. 

“Hey babe, can you pass me a fork?” Mark would comment as he heated up a meal. 

“Yes dearest,” Chris would reply before doing just that. 

“Looking good sweet cheeks,” Mark would wink when they all convened for breakfast in the morning. 

“Back at ya doll face,” Chris would grunt into his food. 

“Darling, you missed your appointment,” Chris would comment sweetly whenever Mark did just that (which was frequently – apparently Mark had a thing about submitting for medical examinations, even when done by his favorite doctor). 

“Sorry sweets, got caught up in my work,” Mark would smirk, before Chris would narrow his eyes and bodily drag the man from the room for his check-up. 

Beth and Rick were eating it up, ecstatic at every instance they witnessed, and collecting more and more ‘proof’ for their side of the argument. 

Of course none of them could really _prove_ anything, and the one time Alex brought it up to Melissa she just shrugged and grinned. 

“Look, if there was really anything going on between Mark and Chris, NASA would know and they wouldn’t be on this mission together. Either that or they’re better actors than we give them credit for, and they’re not letting their relationship affect their work – either way, this ‘bet’ Rick and Beth have going is keeping their morale up and keeping them from being too bored, and Mark and Chris are otherwise professional. As long as that doesn’t change, I don’t see any reason to get involved. 

“Besides,” Melissa had added mischievously, “it’s amusing to watch.” 

Alex had only been able to stare after her in betrayal as she walked away, not doing anything to stop the spectacle that was their team making a fool of themselves. 

So Alex had sucked it up and gone back to observing silently as Chris and Mark flirted with each other at every turn, with no real proof that the pet names were anything serious. 

Maybe once they were actually on Mars things would be serious for once. 

He could only hope. 

-

Of course then Sol 6 happened, and Mark was dead, and all of them were grieving. 

It was not so amusing anymore. 

Alex would give anything to see Chris and Mark flirting again and for Rick and Beth to be arguing over who was right. 

-

Naturally, _of course_ , the _very_ first thing Mark says to Chris once they’re back on the ship is – 

“Hey, handsome!” 

And _naturally_ , both Beth and Rick heard it over the comms system. 

Chris hadn’t said anything back, just smiled at Mark fondly before telling him to go limp so he could float Mark to the right place (in this case being Chris’s _room_ , which Alex did _not_ want to think about, acting med-bay or not). 

“Did you hear that?” Beth hissed as she arrived outside Chris’s room where the crew was gathered, waiting to see Mark. 

“Dude, I’m pretty sure _Earth_ heard it,” Rick snorted. 

Which was not inaccurate, probably. Alex didn’t think the comms system linking them to NASA was shut off by Melissa until after she announced Mark’s return, which was definitely _after_ Mark’s flirtation 

“What have I told you about betting on our teammate’s love lives?” Melissa look amused. 

“We’re not!” Rick protested. 

“Just – making an observation!” Beth grinned innocently. 

Rick chose that moment to start banging on the door and asking if Mark was decent, with Beth joining in a moment later. 

Alex just sighed as Melissa did nothing to stop it, clearly impatient to see Mark herself (and Alex could admit he too wanted to see Mark with his own eyes). 

Hopefully the return trip _this_ time would go by faster, now that Mark was back. 

-

Naturally, the _one_ person that didn’t want to get involved ended up, inadvertently, getting involved. 

To be fair, it wasn’t Alex’s fault. 

To be fair to _them_ , he also should have knocked. 

(but they _definitely_ shouldn’t have been doing this in the lab where _anyone_ could walk in at any time, case in point) 

Alex walked into the lab, needing to ask Chris a question about his chemical bath for the scrubbers. 

“Christopher, for the chemical bath, how much do you need of the – mein gott!” 

Chris and Mark looked up, wide eyed, and in a _very_ compromising position. 

(Though thankfully still _mostly_ clothed.) 

“Alex!” Chris yelped, and Mark just grinned from his position in Chris’s arms. 

“Hey dude.” 

Mark’s shirt was gaping open and Alex could see a line of hickies from his collarbone to his left nipple. His hair (and Chris’s) was messy, evidence of fingers being run through it. Chris’s lips were puffy and Mark was flushed. 

“You two-” Alex shook his head and backed up towards the now closed door. 

“Nein, I do not want to know, please, _please_ do not involve me,” Alex declared. 

“What, you don’t want to help Beth or Martinez out?” Mark smirked. 

“You two- you know of their bet?” Alex narrowed his eyes. 

“They’re not as subtle as they think, are they gorgeous?” Chris said dryly. 

“You got it sweetie. Plus it’s fun to screw with ‘em,” Mark added brightly. 

Alex stared at them, the two of them staring back at him with a mix of mischievousness and innocence in their expressions, and shook his head. 

“No, I definitely do _not_ want to get involved.” 

He backed out of the room to their laughter and most definitely did _not_ run down the hall. 

He would not be telling Rick or Beth about this. He wished he didn’t _know_ it. 

Though he silently conceded – it _would_ be interesting to watch the rest of this unfold now that he had proof the two were together (something Rick and Beth were still fighting to find with renewed vigor now that Mark was back). 

Not that he would _ever_ admit it of course.

**Author's Note:**

> find [this](http://rinnielove.tumblr.com/post/132041171816/honey-bunches-of-oats) on tumblr x


End file.
